Juggling Motherhood and Me-Time: Mastering Self-Care Amid the Chaos with Kellie Forsyth

Ever felt like motherhood is akin to being a circus performer, endlessly juggling tasks while walking a tightrope?

That's where Kelly Forsyth and I come in, guiding you through the often unspoken journey of maternal overwhelm and the elusive art of self-care. We understand that the pursuit of personal time is a battle against a schedule peppered with kiddie activities, and we're here to give you some resources and strategies. By intertwining personal anecdotes and practical tips, we assure you that it's possible to carve out moments for yourself and elevate your daily routines into nourishing rituals.

During our heartfelt exchange, Kelly and I debunk the myth that self-care must be an all-or-nothing approach. We dissect the transformative power of mindset, illustrating how sprinkling care into the nooks and crannies of a busy day can combat the exhausting demands of hustle culture.

We don't just talk theory; we lay out actionable plans for managing the mental load and prioritizing essential tasks, so that 'me time' doesn't only exist in the rare silence of early mornings or late evenings. It's about savoring the present and the joy in ordinary tasks, embracing small victories, and learning to balance self-care with productivity (easier said then done - which is why you gotta listen to the whole thing).

Ah Ha Moments:

• Taking a "B minus" approach to life's challenges. 
• Inspired by the wisdom of Mel Robbins and Brené Brown, we delve into emotional intelligence and how embracing our imperfections can lead to a more fulfilling existence. 
• You don't have to "just" survive the daily grind.

So, if you're ready to shift your mindset, manage your time effectively, and find harmony in the chaos of motherhood, let Kelly and I guide you through this journey on the Chill Like a Mother Podcast.

Mentionables:
My name is Kellie Forsyth and I'm a Work-Life Balance & Productivity Life Coach for Working Moms. I specialize in helping working moms reclaim their time, 10X their productivity at both home and work and become more present with their families without feeling like their burning at both ends- using my work-life balance system. As a working mom of four boys under 7, I've mastered productivity and work-life balance and help my clients do the same- without having to choose between being a successful, hardworking women and a slow living, present mother!
https://www.instagram.com/nextlevelyoucoaching/
https://kellieforsyth.com/coaching/

Chapters

• 0:02 Prioritizing Self-Care and Finding Time
• 9:33 Shifting Mindset and Prioritizing Self-Care
• 15:20 Overcoming Overwhelm and Shifting Mindsets
• 27:38 Time Management for Working Moms

Transcript

Kayla Huszar: 0:02

Hey, kelly, thank you so much for joining us on the Chill Lake and Mother podcast today. For anybody who's new to listening, we're going to try to keep this episode to 20, 25 minutes, because we all know that you guys got stuff to do and you're likely doing this while you're listening, while you're doing your laundry or you're on your commute or something like that, and we know that that's like the magic window for busy moms. So we are here with Kelly Forsythe and we are going to talk about the real reason, the real narrative, the real story behind why we are also friggin, overwhelmed and burnt out and why we don't have more than 20 minutes to listen to a podcast. So welcome, kelly. Thank you so much for being here with us today.

Kelly Forsyth: 0:48

Thank you so much for having me. I'm happy to be here.

Kayla Huszar: 0:51

So tell me what's the real reason why are we also overwhelmed?

Kelly Forsyth: 0:55

Yeah, let's jump right into it. So I love that you even point out like why we only have 20 minutes to sit down, or maybe you're folding laundry or whatever you're doing to listen to a podcast and from what I see with the kinds I working with, it's the amount of time we have. Right? We have so many priorities, so many things, so many people we want to help and be there for, and we're not great at the skill. We don't go to motherhood school where we learn how to also put ourselves first and how to actually carve out time to feel the overwhelmed, to feel emotions, to see where they come from, and to show up for ourselves while also showing up for everybody else. It doesn't need to be either or.

Kayla Huszar: 1:38

So true, and I just want to like name that, if anybody is in the like tornado cycle of overwhelm, what we're about to talk about today is like doing some of the things some of the time, because I think, when we can get into this narrative of I must listen to this podcast and I must follow the script by Dr Becky on Instagram, which I do, by the way. They're amazing. However, I think, if we are in like the depths of overwhelm, I just want to name that some of the things that you listen to or that you hear, you consume may not work all of the time, and to like really meet yourself with some grace and some compassion if you are in that place right now and are about to listen to two women who work with women, giving them the tools for that. So I just wanted to name that.

Kelly Forsyth: 2:38

I love that so much and what the work I do. I'm a life coach and I work with mom specifically on productivity. And just one thought that I want to add there that I work a lot with women on, is this work consistency that's been used in the self-help world. That I mean being consistent in things, is amazing, but it's not necessary. So I just love that you point out we don't need to be doing all the things all the time. Our lives are not like a formula that we have to have everything perfect all the time. If we're trying a little bit better each day and then we are able to give ourselves some grace when we totally mess up, when we maybe yell at our kids or we snap, that's where we really see progress. It's not when we're doing all the things prescribed or following everyone's advice.

Kelly Forsyth: 3:22

So really saying, okay, today, what's the thing going to be today? And it doesn't need to be the exact same thing every single day or week, day in, day out.

Kayla Huszar: 3:32

Absolutely, Absolutely. So what are the things that get in the way of us I'm going to put myself in that category of us being able to really get more than 20 minutes to listen to a podcast or to the most quiet moment could be the quiet moment you have in the car, and so what are the things getting in the way of that?

Kelly Forsyth: 3:58

Yeah, I think the first most important thing is planning. Planning is not a sexy topic. It's not something that we're like, oh, I just want to learn how to plan better. But when we really get down to it, if we're able to plan better, we can have more time. We need to prioritize ourselves when we plan. For example, if you go to my calendar right now, you're going to see when my sons have basketball, when another son has his piano lessons, when school drop off is everything is planned up for my kids. Am I on my schedule as well? Are you on your schedule as well? And I'm not saying we need to block off hours for ourselves or do all this self care. That's not really necessary. More intention that you bring to any moment you have it's going to the time is as important as the intention you're bringing to something. So, just like your schedule things for your kids, maybe you pay for summer camp or whatever it is. Are you giving yourself a mom to summer camp?

Kayla Huszar: 4:55

Right.

Kelly Forsyth: 4:56

Are you working with someone that's helping you to? You know your work is still amazing, helping moms really process emotion and be creative and step into their best version of them, and we did that for our kids all the time.

Kelly Forsyth: 5:08

but where are we doing it for ourselves, right? And whether that's big, like working with someone, or whether it's small in your daily routines and rituals, that's where we can really show up and create more time. And if we don't have the hours on my clock to add, how can we add more attention to the time we do have?

Kayla Huszar: 5:27

Something that I share with my clients. A lot that can create a bit of a like an aha moment is so if, if, if you can't find more than 15 or 20 minutes I mean a day would be ideal a week then what are you prioritizing over this time for you and time for you? I'm not totally about the like prescriptive self-care things. Like you should meditate or you should do this, because should is just not. If you're shitting yourself, then it's not feeling authentic. And so, if, if you're prioritizing these other things, what, what can be delegated, what can be outsourced, what can be left, what can just be like left to be as it is for you to be able to get the Some people might call it self-care, some people might call it a long time, but like, how do you get that rhythm started so that you can actually actually get to the thing that you want to get to, which is often, with the moms I work with, like a long time or a long time in the home?

Kelly Forsyth: 6:46

I think it's much more challenging than a long time outside of the home, and something really key in that is sometimes I don't know if you find this with your clients too, but sometimes I find that we're actually having more conversations about what they need to do less Instead of what they need to be doing more of 100% and I think a lot of that comes from the expectations that we put on ourselves because we have social media, we have podcasts, have so much access to so much good stuff, but then we need to really cater it and curate it to what is going to light you up, what's going to make that 15 minutes of a long time that you have or self care that you have really like get our biggest thing for our buck. And we need to lower the expectations that we feel that other people are putting on us and kind of go within and say what, what is it that my biggest priority? You know, if you met like you brought up meditation, we have 10 women, maybe only two of them. Meditation will be like. That was energizing.

Kelly Forsyth: 7:52

And now I'm ready to get back to my kids and, you know, get right back into the day to day. I feel more regulated, I feel more myself. To another mom, maybe that's art. To another mom, maybe that's journaling. To another, it I'm scrolling her, her phone, you know Individual, and I think we need to really step into that and say, okay, I needed. No, I need to ask myself what is going to help me, and I love that you bring up doing less because what's going to help everybody else maybe everyone else that you know going to have a clean kitchen and staying up late to get that done is going to feel really good to them, and maybe for you it's not. So really dropping expectations and tuning more into what is going to light you up and and have that alone time or that self care time be precious and energizing for you.

Kayla Huszar: 8:40

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think there's this perception out there that the only time to get that time is to either get up before my kids or stay awake after my kids. And for the people who that fits and that works. Definitely not wanting to take that away from you if that works, but can we talk a little bit about like what, if neither of those things work, how, like, where in the day, do then we find that time?

Kelly Forsyth: 9:15

Yeah, I love that you brought that up, and that's where we can add intention instead of time into your daily practice, into your mindset, and so what my question would be to a woman I'm speaking to or a mother, would be how can we change the way you're doing things and make them feel more like self care?

Kelly Forsyth: 9:33

Alright, so that is, maybe you still are going to choose to make dinner, and I love that you point out. The word should is just garbage. We got to switch the language. We got to switch what we're requiring ourselves, and so maybe you are choosing and you want to make dinner for your family. How can we change that activity? How can we change our mindset around it to be to where that feels better for you? Maybe make a recipe that you truly enjoy.

Kelly Forsyth: 9:59

Instead of it, I have to cater to my kids, or I have to, but maybe you know whoever else is in the home, what they like. Let's just shift and be like okay, this week, when we're planning your meals, what sounds amazing for you, let's cook that for dinner. And so you see how we can just take the mundane tasks that maybe you're already doing. And you're like Kelly Kayla, I cannot wake up earlier. I my night. I'm so exhausted I want to go straight to bed. Alright, let's just start with where the things you're already doing, let's just like, tweak them a little bit where they feel better.

Kelly Forsyth: 10:32

Add some more intention, add some more self care and the way you think about yourself and the way you are behaving and how you're not behaving, and so we need to change it. But the intention you're bringing to it that's where I would start is what's already on your calendar Now. Let's just bring some more intention to it.

Kayla Huszar: 10:50

Absolutely, absolutely. I used to, maybe I still follow them, but there was somebody who I follow who really talks about like habit stacking, and so how can you use those mundane moments in the day to, you know, add in something else? And not not in the way of like multitasking or like this excessive productivity or hustle, but in a real, like intentional way. And I find that when I'm like running the tub or my kids are in the tub, they're old enough now that it's not like a safety concern that I have to be in the room with them, I just like to be close by, and so I use that time to journal or fold laundry or whatever else might be needing my attention. Sometimes I scroll. I mean, let's be real, I'm not going to say that I don't, but using those moments, like you said, like meal time or bath time or the morning routine with your kids, whatever that looks like, to add in something that already kind of needs to be done and maybe like two things could be paired at that one time.

Kelly Forsyth: 12:00

Totally, and I think we can need to give ourselves permission that that's okay. Our attention doesn't need to be 100% always on the kids, but I think it's good for kids, it's good. I tell my kids all the time board is not a problem. If you're bored, that's not a problem. Right, I can play with you. Maybe I'm journaling at the table while you're playing, and giving ourselves permission to. I would even say, like, let's back up.

Kelly Forsyth: 12:27

Of when did we get into the culture of, like, mom self-care, mom taking care of herself can only be done in the early hours or late evenings. What if all day can be where we're loving and taking care of everyone in the family? Yeah, right, like it's not these big moments. I think that's the most important thing is it's not and I love that you brought up like this this hustle culture of extreme productivity. I'm a productivity coach and we work on slowing down and being more intentional. Right, like, slow productivity is going to be what feels better. It doesn't mean we're not getting anything done. It means we plan out and say, okay, this week we have all week long. What are the priorities? Let's put that on our calendar and then you can actually slow down and have more energy because you're not thinking of all the huge long.

Kelly Forsyth: 13:18

That huge laundry list of to do is right. But you know my time is purposeful. Right now I'm doing that time for the kids, that's it. Or maybe other times I'm doing that time and I'm going to journal. All my kids are in the bath, right. So I think the more we can plan out in advance, then we can give ourselves permission to oh, I know what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm just enjoying that time right now, or now's the time where I'm going to journal as well and and pull the laundry and that's going to be self-care to me, because then I don't have all the laundry later on to look at. So, really planning ahead and give ourselves permission to, like you said, adapt, be flexible it is actually the same thing every time, but just week to week, day to day. What are the priorities? And let's put those first.

Kayla Huszar: 14:05

What are some of the most common ways that your clients talk about overwhelmed Like? Does it? Do they actually say I'm overwhelmed, or does it come out in like other phrases or other ways?

Kelly Forsyth: 14:19

Great question. If I reflect, I think anxiety is I don't feel like overwhelm is always the vocabulary word, but maybe anxiety, maybe it's too much, too much, there's too much to do, there's too much right it's. It's this feeling of like there's so much going on and I'm really not specific. I feel like overwhelmed lives in the vague, where it's just too much, and and that's why it's helpful to talk to someone about where we can really dive in of like what too much.

Kayla Huszar: 14:52

What about?

Kelly Forsyth: 14:52

this feels overwhelming to you, because I think overwhelmed is live in the vague and that's why I think overwhelmed was pretty dangerous, because it just expands and expands. We don't really know the source, we don't know the cause, we don't know why, we don't know the next step. But if we can kind of bring it all in and say, what can you do this week instead of right now, what can you do this week, that feels like one step to minimize how much is happening. I think another term is like I can't do it all. There's so much expected of me.

Kelly Forsyth: 15:26

And, like you said, that's where we work on. We actually can do a lot less. Doing less we're going to feel better. It's going to be hard, especially if you are a self-proclaimed perfectionist or you, you know, have fear of delegating or you're telling yourself you can't delegate, but giving yourself permission to think something to be done perfectly. I'm a big believer in the D minus attitude. You know the laundry's done at the house is the minus. If my routine right, If my routines are to be minus, I'm doing great. So I think giving yourself some of that.

Kayla Huszar: 15:59

That's amazing. It's amazing. I think the like the type A overachiever in me is like I'm going to take that with me of like the the B minus attitude that is. That is an incredible mindset shift around like let it be good enough. Or there was a Mel Robbins podcast that I listened to and it was all about just like letting. The purpose of it was like letting other people do their thing, and like she was talking about the circle of responsibility around, like just let them. You know, like if your parents, your aunt and uncle, your friend, your coworker, whatever is like doing something it's not actually yours, it's not your pain, or it's not your story or it's not your thing, just like let them.

Kayla Huszar: 16:51

And I think within all of that, when we think about overwhelm and living in the vague, like what does that actually mean? I classify overwhelm kind of in the same category as guilt, where it's actually what's called a meta emotion. It's how we feel about the feeling right, and so guilt isn't actually the feeling. There's a feeling under that and I feel like overwhelm is kind of in that same category of like overwhelm is the way we feel about a thing or another, feeling Like maybe we feel overwhelmed because we're so angry at our partner for not participating. Maybe we feel overwhelmed because we feel sad about our kids growing up and so we're putting all this pressure on ourselves to like be present and, you know, be at every basketball practice or every music lesson, where the only person who can drop off and pick up and you know all of that, and so the overwhelm is actually not the root right. The overwhelm is like the presentation is the way we talk about it, but really there's so much underneath that, around your emotions and your like nervous system state.

Kelly Forsyth: 18:15

I love that and as you speak, I just think you articulate that so well as you were speaking. It reminded me of a Bernay Brown quote that now I'm gonna butcher. But she talks about how overwhelmed it's, almost like you're feeling your emotions at a 10, you're paying attention to them at I don't know. She says like a five and then you understand them at like a two. Right, I love that concept that you brought up of like a meta emotion where it almost gets all of our attention there, but that's not what actually the problem.

Kelly Forsyth: 18:44

Like mom, guilt, huge buzz word, right, we talk about it here about all the time but not the actual problem, like we gotta dig a little deeper. But I love that you brought that up.

Kayla Huszar: 18:54

Yeah, and the practice of feeling our feelings.

Kayla Huszar: 19:02

I think it also feel kind of prescriptive right, Like I have had so many moms tell me I don't have time to feel my feelings right and my heart just breaks because we are paying attention to our feelings all of the time.

Kayla Huszar: 19:21

It's so the time that it takes to feel the feelings I mean, yes, for some people it needs to be a practice, it needs to be something that they actively participate in, but I think for most humans are just like baseline state is, we are paying attention to our feelings. We just might be ignoring them or numbing them or actually like mislabeling them, and that's also something that Bernie Brown talks about in her book Atlas of the Heart and her series on and I wanna say it's on Crave around how we mislabel emotions and when we mislabel them, it actually can have more intensity or less intensity based on, like just how we've made them right, Like is overwhelm stress or is overwhelm anxiety, or is overwhelm fear, is overwhelm like a distress state in the body, and so there's a lot of, you know, emotional vocabulary that also comes with the skills of emotional intelligence and emotional regulation and the way that we view overwhelm or productivity, or guilt or all of that.

Kelly Forsyth: 20:43

I could not agree more, and even the thought that comes to my mind is we can't afford not to make the time to feel our emotions right and mislabeling it. One of the biggest things right that I work with is moms. They say I don't have time, I can't, I don't have time, and that is a thought. Right, thoughts are not that you thinking and feeling that you don't have time. You probably believe it right, but I promise you we look at this month. What can we do this quarter right this year? How can we show up for you?

Kelly Forsyth: 21:17

I think we gotta switch the narrative a little bit. We gotta pay attention to what emotions we're telling ourselves we're feeling, label them, labeling them accurately, but also our narrative around time. Let's start getting a little more specific. What time do you have today? Maybe it's five minutes. Let's own those five minutes that you have. What do you want to create with those five minutes? What do you want to think about when you just sit and be still for five full minutes? So, being really honest with ourselves, what are we feeling and what time do we actually have? Sometimes it can feel good if we don't have time.

Kelly Forsyth: 21:53

I almost as if it's like a badge of honor that we're so busy we're doing so much but what if we gave ourselves permission to be so proud of ourselves for having tons of time, like, does that feel scary to you when you hear it? What if people know I have time Like, oh no, does it mean I'm?

Kayla Huszar: 22:08

not gonna have time.

Kayla Huszar: 22:09

Right, and I immediately imagine a group of moms at a mom's group, postpartum or school pickup. And if you're the mom who doesn't say that you're overwhelmed and stressed and busy and you don't have something to kind of bitch about, then it's almost like it is this social pressure. Because if you're that mom, what does it mean, like what does it mean to be outside of the hustle circle? Or what does it mean if, like I, run mom's groups for postpartum women, and if you're not the mom complaining about how little your partner does, what are you contributing to the conversation? What are you bringing?

Kayla Huszar: 22:51

And I think there's real fear in that, like there's real fear in belonging and acceptance, and we all have some kind of story around fitting in with groups of women. We've probably all been like wounded or hurt or in some kind of pain cycle with other women, and so there can be, like this almost identity shift, or I don't want to use the word crisis, but like it's almost like. Well, what would I have to contribute if I wasn't participating in the overwhelm, in the run of the mill, anxiety or burnout, like what would that mean about me?

Kelly Forsyth: 23:33

I love that. I almost want to say, like, what a great journal prompt of thought is resonating with you, like, what would I miss out on? What would I be risking?

Kayla Huszar: 23:43

Maybe one half the stage.

Kelly Forsyth: 23:44

but like what could I be gaining? Like what could I gain if I really just varied that story and say let's have a new story, a new narrative, that my time is my own, I do have enough time for what really matters for me. But what's the risk there? Right, that fear, let that all come out. But then also looking at what could I possibly gain if I did step into that story.

Kayla Huszar: 24:08

Oh, yes, that is so, yes, that is so powerful. And I'm like I'm actually going to do that because I think, even as I was saying that, there was a part of me that was like, well, what would I talk about, you know? You know, I think it's like what would I, what would I say? You know how would I contribute to a conversation if I was with friends, and you know they were all in that state you know of and we're all allowed to vent. I'm not saying that you can't take those things, you know to your friends, we need it.

Kayla Huszar: 24:44

But also, I think there's like, there is a bit of a like a narrative, or a bit of a like what. But if I let that go, what then? You know, and I think what happens for a lot of my clients when we get to this state of like okay, so I can prioritize myself, right, like I'm working on that mindset and I'm there, you know, I think a lot of what happens is okay. Well, what do I do now? Like, if I let my kids be bored, if I'm not present with them at all times, if you know my partner takes them to basketball or whatever, then what do I do? What is my purpose? Who am I? And then it gets like it can get kind of like dark and and twisty down in there, because it's like I don't know how to exist without being on, without being mom, without negotiating about the color of plate that they're going to eat off of right, like so it's like when we've hold our value in what we're doing or not doing.

Kelly Forsyth: 25:49

but if we can separate that and say, no, I'm a valuable person, I am worthy, I am loved, whether I'm doing stuff right. I talk a lot about checking things out for to do list, that's great, but on the days where we have everything checked off and the days where we got nothing, our value doesn't change and I think that's where you get us and it's like, oh, I'm just staying home. Who am I? And that's a scary. I think all growth is scary. It's a scary spot to sit in like well, who am I now? I've been mom for so long and now I'm trying to find me again. Right, but sitting in that allowing space to kind of feel the fear.

Kelly Forsyth: 26:23

be the mom who just grew up and doesn't feel as overwhelmed as maybe she once was or is carving out time for herself, Then we can be growing and building most just trust in the process. We'll figure that out later. But can we carve out the time now to just sit in the boredom of I don't know what I like to do for self?

Kelly Forsyth: 26:40

care, I don't I don't know what my hobbies are, let's find out. But first we got to make the time to sit there in the you know, like you said that, that, that space of like, now what?

Kayla Huszar: 26:52

now, what am I now? Mm? Hmm, yeah, absolutely. So, kelly, tell us a little bit more about your work with women. Where can people find you? You know who, who is your, your favorite kind of like ideal client? If people are listening right now and they're like, oh man, I need more of this in my life.

Kelly Forsyth: 27:14

Yes, so you can find me at www. Kelly for sites. For sites that sells for S Y T H. I'm sure you can link it for me because it's still very unique of it. Kelly for sitescom slash coaching. You can also find there an application to work with me, more information of who I work with, as well as a free mini course that's going to take you, you know, your two days to. I say two days, but it's 15 minutes each day. I don't freak out to really help you in that feeling of I have no time. I'm so much to do. And that is the woman that I work with women who just say I have no time and I feel like I need to be doing everything. And you're maybe a working mom I work with a lot of moms in the medical field just because routines and if you're working long shift or night shift. That's why I work with this mom who want more routine in the day, want to do less of the things that don't matter and more of the things that do matter to them.

Kayla Huszar: 28:10

So thank you so much for being here with us. I will link everything in the show notes where you can find Kelly and if, if anything resonated with you from today's conversation, I would love it if you could give us a star or a review on the Chilling Mother Podcast. So, thank you so much. Thank you for having me.