Chill Like a Mother Podcast
This show shares stories, offers tips and tricks, and provides education to help you feel more chill like the mother you know you want to be.
Hey! I'm Kayla Huszar, a creative counsellor who's all about unconventional therapy that encourages creativity, curiosity and finding what makes you feel alive (again). I've helped so many women navigate the waves (ups and downs) of motherhood, and I'm here for you, too!
So, if you're feeling overwhelmed or need a moment to yourself, grab your headphones and press play on an episode!
You're not alone, and you already know what you need.
Chill Like a Mother Podcast
Mom Guilt Rehab: Joy, Chaos & Giving Zero F*cks
Listen, motherhood wasn’t supposed to feel like one long, unpaid internship in exhaustion. You don’t need a permission slip to take care of yourself—you need a damn strategy.
Welcome to Mom Guilt Rehab, the podcast that helps you ditch the martyr mindset, reclaim your energy, and stop treating joy like a cute little side dish you only get if the house is clean and the laundry isn't regenerating overnight like some kind of sorcery.
Host Kayla Huszar—therapist, creative coach, and your new no-BS mom friend—dives deep into the real talk of self-care, mental load, and why “mom guilt” is just a scam designed to keep you exhausted.
Expect:
🔥 Hard truths (with love)
😂 A little dark humor (because, sanity)
💡 Actual strategies that don’t require a babysitter or a spa day
Because taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s survival.
Meet Kayla Huszar, the Host of the Chill Like a Mother Podcast
Kayla Huszar is a Registered Social Worker and Expressive Arts Therapist who helps mothers reconnect with their authentic selves through embodied art-making. She encourages moms to embrace the messy, beautiful realities of their unique motherhood journeys. Whether through the podcast, 1:1 sessions or her signature Motherload Membership, Kayla creates a brave space for mothers to explore their identities beyond parenting, reconnect with their intuition, and find creative outlets for emotional expression and self-discovery.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your day—kids running amok and all! If this episode helped you feel a little more chill, please leave a rating or review. Your feedback helps the podcast reach more moms who need to hear it.
Welcome back to the Chill Like a Mother podcast. Okay, we left off part one on a bit of a cliffhanger. This is your official permission slip to stop waiting for the perfect time to take care of yourself, because for most, that perfect time doesn't exist and it never comes. If you missed part one, go back and listen, because Tammy and I were on a roll talking about why our kids don't need a martyr. They need a mom who actually enjoys her life. But if you don't have time, stay here, listen to this one and you can go back.
Speaker 1:In this episode we're diving even deeper into why your energy, not just your time, is the real issue, and how kids are a very unfiltered mirror of our own behavior, and why reclaiming fun isn't just a cute idea, it's actually necessary. Oh, and we also cover critically important topics like the highly underrated joy of reading Smut Before Breakfast, or why morning orgasms are superior to late-night exhausted ones. Just saying so, get comfy, grab your coffee or whatever time appropriate beverage it is for you and let's get into it Because, honestly, fun isn't a luxury, it is actually necessary.
Speaker 2:And those kids. They're not going to want to hang out with you at some point at 14. Mine still wants to hang out with me, so I'm like, but I am on borrowed time so we play board games every morning before 7 am. It's partly because the more face time and fun that I participate in with her at the beginning of the day, the more independence and confidence that she'll show throughout the day.
Speaker 2:Because she has it like I don't pick up my phone. I put it down, face down, put it away, and I'm just there with her for like 20, 30 minutes in the morning Because she hasn't had to fight with you know the whole world for her mother's attention. She can really be like. This woman is so laissez-faire about her life. Look at her she can play board games. We have cooked breakfast because, again, I know this time with her is limited and when she grows up and finally moves out someday, I'm genuinely like I don't know when that is, because we're very far away from that.
Speaker 2:I want her to look at her life like an adventure, like it's fun, like it's like she's creating the perfect for her life. Yes, she is self-sufficient. Yes, she makes money. Yes, she has purpose. Yes, she has meaning. Yes, she has connection. She has all of these things. But again, if she's never seen it, it's very hard for her to see it for herself. So I grew up in a time where my mom was a really old boomer. She was born in the first year of the boomers and so I grew up in a time where my mom was like one foot in Leave it to Beaver and one foot Gloria Steinem.
Speaker 2:And I was like this observation point is confusing. I see both sides, but my whole life she was like don't do what I did, don't what I do. I was like mom, there's no danger of that, because you're making grown-up look terrible.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because both of your choices seem hard, but the idea is like okay, and so I'm speaking from experience like it is very difficult to become something that you have not grown up around. It's very difficult to grow up to be something you've never seen or experienced or interacted with. So if people are still, at this point, struggling with like I don't know, I should just pour into these kids. The best way to pour into your kids is to pour into you, because then you don't actually have to try to pour.
Speaker 1:There isn't a 1, 2, 3, an ABC, a perfect parenting framework. When the pouring is in this direction, which I know is really hard to see, it's counterintuitive, right, that's what it is.
Speaker 2:You're like how do the children benefit from this, from from me being a resource? Go back to what I said about the 20 little mirrors Jerkheads that I was complaining about. They were holding up a mirror to my behavior. They were holding up a mirror to you. What are you doing? And when I changed the reflection, I changed what they were seeing. They were like oh, I guess we can be different now. And it was night and day. It was shocking.
Speaker 2:At one point I said to one of the kids I was like so what happened? Here? He goes. You know, you're just a lot happier and easier to be around. I was like, wow, I love asking nine-year-old boys oh, uh, two, you get the truth every time right to give me the love. And he was. And I was like that's fair. He's like what are you doing? Keep going. And I'm like okay, now I'm getting a pet talk from a little kid. I mean, I know that he's not telling his own mother that. However, however, we you know. I asked. I was like how is your guys's behavior so different? He's like I don't know how your behavior so different? Like, right, I took a nap and I played with my friends and I ate some good food. He's like yeah, me too. I was like okay, watch the kids right, watch the kids in their natural state and don't feel guilty about being a human.
Speaker 1:No, or needing things or asking for things, claim them, name them out loud, give them to yourself. Get somebody else to get them for you, like whatever that looks like, just like take it.
Speaker 2:Can I tell you one more thing, cause I know a bunch of people just went I don't have time Cause they're doing all the things at home. They are doing all the things. They're doing all the things at home, just so you're clear. Everyone, we both, we are a fair play facilitators and we heart rebalancing domestic labor at home. But, kayla, I'm going to tell you something when I'm working on fair play with my, my clients, they are ready to rip the heads off of their spouses and their children right, because they're like I'm doing everything.
Speaker 2:And then they get mad at me when I'm like I know they are, that's okay. We're going to focus on your self-care first. And everybody is like have you lost the plot here? Did I not just say I didn't have time? And I was like have you lost the plot here? Did I not just say I didn't have time? And I was like we're going to create energy because you're not lacking time so much as you're lacking energy. Yes, we all have 168 hours, but those hours do not feel the same. When you create more energy by taking care of yourself, it feels like you have more time.
Speaker 2:So we start with self-care and then we go to unicorn space and then it really blows their mind. Because I'm like not only are you going to take care of yourself, because that's a card in fair play, you're also going to play with your friends, because that's also a fair play card. Then you're going to do this weirdo shit that's just for yourself or fun, like three to five hours a week. And they're like are you insane? I thought we were going to talk about rebalancing domestic labor. I was like I thought you were going to get him to do shit. I thought you were going to get those fucking people outside of me to cooperate. I was like I also thought my principal could have a little talk with the children about their being little buttheads during my work day. And it turns out I was the problem and they're like damn it.
Speaker 2:I'm like. So trust the process. When you pour into yourself, you feel better physically, plus you get to have your friend time, plus you get to have your weirdo like. I'm doing improv for my next round of Unicorn Space. Do I need it? No, do I even know what it's about? Not really, but what I'm really doing is I'm going to be playing with some strangers for 10 weeks and 100 unavailable because you can't bring your phone. Oh, husband's going to take care of dinner, bedtime, bath time, homework, all of it. And what does he get? Dude plays in three bands. He gets plenty of unicorn space. The point point is this it is after we have reclaimed our own goddamn sovereignty as a human being. Then we look to the people that we live with and go who in the hell is going to do the dishes around here? And everyone's like I thought it was you and you're like no, not anymore, that'd be where you're wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, come on in the kitchen. We're all going to learn about KP duty. Yeah, and people's minds are blown. They're like super impatient and they're like we want. I'm like trust the process. Trust the process. It starts with you. If you're currently co-parenting with somebody who's not taking care of themselves, they also need this. They also need time to play with their friends. They also need unicorn space. I also regret to inform you the dishes. They will wait as long as it takes, but like the relationships we have with the people in our lives, those won't wait. My plan is to end my life hopefully not on purpose with a sink full of dishes and a bunch of dirty clothes in a half-packed suitcase. Like I'm not going to get some award for like getting all my chores done, because I don't like chores that much and I don't know if I'm going to like this improv thing, but I sure as shit I'm going to like it more than folding laundry, right.
Speaker 1:So it was an absolute joy and my own happiness meter is just like right out of the top of my head by having this conversation, because everybody who's listening, including myself, needs reminders of this message.
Speaker 1:And even if you have put something down and you want to start to pick it up, or you have this weirdo thing that you loved doing when you were 12 and you'd really love to do it now, all of that, all of that is within your choice, based on budget and finances and all the things that are extra and non-negotiable in your life. But, like the point is, when you can pour into yourself in a guilt-free way and reframing the shame versus guilt because I think we name guilt but we really mean shame as a female, as a woman, as a mother, when you reclaim that time for yourself, everything else becomes easier or at least neutral.
Speaker 2:Yes, and again you're going to get feedback and some of it's not going to be pleasant. So what did my doctor said? She said get better friends, get different friends. I have a whole community called the care club and we do all of this. Yes, and the thing that everybody says is I thought it was just me, I thought I was some failure at being a grown up. I know people in their 20s and I was one of them. For a long time. It was like how can I possibly become a parent? I can't even take care of myself? It turns out most people feel that way and a lot of people are faking it. But the point is, is the thing that people find great comfort in is knowing it's not a personal failing? None of this is If we had things like universal child care, universal TK, universal health care. Can you tell? I know that you are in a different country because I know you have some of these things we do.
Speaker 2:If we had nice things like social safety nets for all families, all of this would be easier. But you know who doesn't have time or the energy to go knock on their legislators doors Tired, hungry moms. So that's really my reason for getting up is, once I get all these moms jazzed up about, like, oh my God, it turns out I'm way more in charge of how I feel than I thought. That is such good news and terrible news, because now I'm responsible, but they're also like. Then they get mad, like why don't we have good stuff? I'm like welcome, why have I put up with this for years?
Speaker 1:and years and years?
Speaker 2:Why have I put up with mediocrity? Why have I done all the dishes all?
Speaker 1:this time Right? Why did I assume it was my job and only my job? Why did?
Speaker 2:I stop having fun under the guise of being productive or being a grown up, and a good grown up at that, not just a grown up, a good grown up and let's be real, a good girl. A good girl Making it real easy for everyone, not creating any waves, not speaking up. And who does that benefit?
Speaker 1:Everybody else.
Speaker 2:Everybody else yeah Right, yeah, yeah. I'm really glad we got to have this chat.
Speaker 1:I am so glad I am so fired up. I am like I'm going to even going to command some things for myself this weekend that I had put on the back burner. Reclaim your time Saving face of being a good mom and a good human.
Speaker 2:Yeah, again, my sample size is not huge, but I have yet to have a family turn to one of my mom clients and say I can't believe what a selfish bitch you are, or whatever thing that everyone's fearing. Usually your spouse is like oh my God, I'm so glad you're doing that for yourself. It makes you so happy. I remember when you used to do that and how much you loved it. And then you're like, oh shit, what else have I been denying myself under the guise that people think I'm a jerk. Well, these fools are like yeah, why don't you do that? It's weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, actually we've been wanting you to do it, right. Yeah, because you kind of suck the joy out of the room Because you're not interesting anymore.
Speaker 2:So, everyone, if you're still here, we want you to maybe take a nap this weekend, maybe read a book for pleasure, and I'm going to go all in, on, go to bed early, but get up early and do whatever you would have done late at night and everyone just went. You want me to drink half a bottle of wine? No, no. Coffee. Probably tea, yes, right, uh. Drink a time appropriate beverage, yes, but do an activity that you put off, like maybe you want to read a mystery series from the library, maybe you want to go on a walk with your neighbor, maybe you want to roll out your yoga mat, maybe I don't know. What else do people want to do in the morning?
Speaker 2:I did have a client one time. I said what's one thing that you only do on vacation that you love so much you can't even hardly believe it and she goes reading fiction first thing in the morning when I wake up, and I was like gizl and she was like what I was like uh, you should set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier. Right, get up, go potty, hop back in bed and read for 15 minutes, because then in 15 minutes you can get up and just do your day and then report back how you feel on the days that you give yourself that little tiny bit of pleasure. I mean also, let's be real, why not start your day with an orgasm?
Speaker 1:What Way, way better morning than evening. Don't even talk to me about evening.
Speaker 2:Morning Right Also doesn't have to be partnered. So here we go. Start your day with pleasure. The rest of your day, it's like setting the tone. Set the tone for your day. Everyone is just like. Look at these two. They are living a different life.
Speaker 1:Sign me up? Where do I sign up? And so here, here is the thing All of the links for Tammy, her socials, her community, all below, same with myself, links myself, links communities, all the things all below, because, just like the story of the mom who couldn't share her happiness with her group of people because they were all crusty about their marriages and their lives rusty, is such a good description and she felt actually like ashamed that her life was happy. The people who we bring into community or bring into socials or bring into free or paid offerings or events, they are those people. They are the people who actually want happiness, they want joy, they want some of that. For themselves.
Speaker 2:They're able to access it at this particular point, like they have. They've been like, yeah I, that other part sucks, so I, I'm going to, I'm going to put part sucks, so I, I'm going to, I'm going to put down the thing that hurts and I'm going to pick up the thing that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it can be that simple, and it can also not be your time right now. There's also that there's a time and there's a phase, and there is there is opportunity and and right moments, because I know that if I would be having this conversation right now, in the thick of postpartum depression, I would tell you to fuck right off.
Speaker 2:Yes, but I would tell you, let's get you to the doctor to get some medication.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely, and so there are resources that sometimes need to come before some of the epiphanies that Tammy and I have been talking about today. And all of that deserves to be talked about as well. Still always.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Last point. It's never the last point, but I just want everyone to remember this.
Speaker 2:Your kids are watching you about what it means to be a grownup. What story do you want them to tell their future friends, their future partners and themselves about what life as a grown-up is like? Is it full of drudgery and stress and arguing and just getting by? Or if it's about, oh, oh, fuck it. Let's have fun first. Yes, let's take care of ourselves because it's fun. Let's be in relationship with other people who are. What fun, apparently.
Speaker 2:I just want some more fun and fun like fun, levity, all of it. Right, because, as I said earlier, my mom died young. My best friend died during the pandemic. Like we're not guaranteed anything beyond what we're doing. So let's stop pretending that in some future space there's going to be this wide open calendar that you need to pour into yourself. It's never going to happen. You have to create it for yourself and it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Speaker 2:It can be a 15 minute read from the library. It can be a 15 minute walk. It can be drinking hot coffee that hasn't had to be through the microwave 75 times. It could just be like from the pot to your cup. All you have to do is get up earlier than the little children's, yes. Or if they meet you, you can be like oh, it's your lucky day, you get 20 minutes of Bluey, yeah.
Speaker 2:But the thing is is, if you look at mama, then we have to turn off louis, right, like so you be over there not looking at me and I'll be over here with my back turned drinking some coffee because I you're still in bed. Yeah, right, so do what you can in the season that you're in, but also know we want both of us. I think everyone in the fair play community would say like we want both of us. I think everyone in the Fair Play community would say like we want every one of us to have the support that we need inside our own houses, in our communities, our states, our countries, so that all families can thrive. We have to take little steps to get there right, and it might start with a library book. Read some smut before work, yes, why? For?
Speaker 1:fun, for fun, for fun, for fun, because you feel like it.
Speaker 2:yeah yeah, that way, when I sit by you at a dinner party and I'm like what's exciting lately, you're like, oh my god, I read this whole. Here's a sentence I never thought I would say. Did you know that there's a whole sub genre of professional sports series romance series where they, like each player, has their own romance? I did not know that. Hockey, rugby, bonkers you're welcome everyone, yes, yeah. So when you finish one, you're just like like I guess I'm going to find out what's happening. I'm on to the next one Crazy town.
Speaker 1:Amazing, amazing. Everybody who's listening, whatever time of day, you're still with us. Do something today because you feel like it, not because you have to, not because nobody else is going to do it. Because you feel like it.
Speaker 2:And then come over on social media and whisper in our DMs Tell us what you did, what you did. Yeah, you can find me on Instagram or Blue Sky. This is my name, Tammy Hackbarth Kayla. Where are they going to find you on?
Speaker 1:They're going to find me mostly on Instagram, mostly on Instagram and Facebook.
Speaker 2:facebook, you know, come over and tag us, come over, and because you know who is going to be super happy that you're taking positive steps in your life us, uh, yeah, yeah, then it'll be like gold stars. There's no negative nancies here that I'd be like god. It must be nice to read smut or have an orgasm before you had coffee, because I will be like go, go, go, sister, go. Yes, it is more of that for you because it's all contagious.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, absolutely. Thank you so much, tammy, for being here. Love this conversation, love keeping it going. Yes, message us all of the things that you did before you had coffee or after you went to bed.
